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Sat, 27 Jan 2007 02:49:37 GMT

*Picks off the last piece of cobweb* If I were to say that it has been awhile, it would be just stating the obvious-- no matter how truthful it actually is. I think this Xanga 'blog is the most neglected out of my others, so I'll start here.

"God takes full responsibility for the life that is totally yielded to Him." - Dr. Stanley

Not much in life is absolute, I much as I wish otherwise. I love knowing the next step, the details are not necessary. Just sense of direction. It is like going on a hike, I don't need to know what is ahead of me as long as I know that I am on the right path. Or even on a path for that matter!

I am humbly reminded at the wisdom of the quote mentioned above. I don't have to worry about what will happen next. I just need to trust. God has proven Himself faithful and loving time and time again. Yet, I still clutch onto what I selfishly claim as mine. My dream, my desire, my future, my life. I have spiritual seasons in my life that are good, and I lean on God daily. Then, when I need to take risk, I ask questions and analyze everything. But God only asks one question, "May I?" "May I have your life? Your heart? I have so much I want to do, I just need you to surrender." Beautiful brokenness can lead to blessing when I yield. But as of now, an inner battle is within me. It is my head verses my heart. I have to have the faith of a child.

What comes to your mind when you hear "faith of a child?'' I don't think necessarily of the capability of a child believing in imaginative things, like Santa. But rather I think of why their trust is placed in everyone and everything. Their innocence covers any doubt. I think of a parent with his hand in his child's. Guiding the little one, leading the way because of the parent's experience and knowledge. Even if the child were to challenge his father or mother, the simple answer will satisfy the curiosity.

"Daddy, where are we going?"
"We're going home."
"How come?"
"Because that is where we need to go, and that's where we belong."
"Oh, o-tay."

Simple truth and trust with no extra analyzing required. To question truth, I believe, is not a bad thing at all. Whenever truth is rightfully tried, it will prevail victoriously. It will encourage growth, and yielding of one's life.

"However, as it is written:
'No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love Him,'
but God has revealed it to us by His Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God."
- 1 Corinthians 2:9-10

A Lily Among Thorns

Sun, 22 Oct 2006 15:07:22 GMT

As a bearer of Christ’s name, I must stand alone. Not be hidden in a corner where people try to shove me, but rather I must stand. I am called to shine this supernatural light. Warm, attractive, curious light. How can I shine when I am placed in the shadows?
Fortunately, I do not have to figure this out. I just have to trust, and stand firm—not to quiver and hide. I must be bold, courageous and everything but cowardly. I realize how light is only truly noticed and appreciated when the majority of it is absent. Like a small candle burning in a night filled room-or, when there is one lone star in the horizon. That is when light is comforting, when it resembles hope.

Even though I feel as though I am stifled, I am not really. No matter where I am, I can grow. I can change. And the beauty of it all is, so can you. I want to live a life that is full and meaningful. No longer be passive, but rather active. Running the race marked out for me. Taking risk when it is asked of me. I’ve realized how even ruts can grow to become “comfort zones.” Embracing change when it comes. Inviting each season without comparing it to the last. Slowing down and cherishing the majesty around me, when invited by a whisper. Fighting the good fight. To be humble, yet have a sense of self-worth. To be spiritually broken, yet content. To be a servant-leader. Even being strong enough in Christ, so I may be vulnerable with others. I want to love others without keeping them at arms length. To hate what God hates and love righteousness. To be searched, refined and purified. To be innocent and free.

As you might have noticed, this is something that has been on my mind for a long time. It amazes me how blinded people (including myself) are and how water-down virtues, like integrity, have become. Why is it ok for Christians to watch certain things, act without respect, say certain words . . . ? Don’t you realize that the words you say, and the things you do, echo what is in your heart? Degrading, demoralizing, and desensitized is what we’ve become. It is not ok to live life this way. We are called to a higher calling. As long as God exists, which is infinitely, we have the hope, strength, perseverance, guidance, comfort and vitality we need to live a life differently. A life as a lily among thorns.

I have so much work to do in my own life. Words are only words until they are put into action.

Lord, I need You. Help me to live like a lily among thorns.

Crazy goodness.

Sat, 21 Oct 2006 20:44:48 GMT

I'm not dead, yet. Though, I imagine the rumors have started to circulate. Maggie has been home for over two months and not a single message from her? Yuppers, that is the way it has been, kiddos. And my apologizes for my absence. I let my Xanga grow too stagnant. I have been using MySpace, though. ( www.myspace.com/ardenthope )

So, my summer was amazing. Filled with joys, challenges and just strange things. I loved making a difference and being in such a beautiful place.( Living on the lake was rough. ) I meet incredibly awesome people and have been able to keep in touch with some. I was challenged and stretched in more ways than I could ever imagine. But God showed His amazing faithfulness, and incomparable love to me. If I could, I would do it all over again. I hope and pray that I can return next summer.

So what is new with me? I finally have a job. Jobs are good, even if they're part-time. I am one of two youth leaders for the sr.high at my church. I'm really enjoying the opportunity to serve God in this way. Believe it or not, I have been working on another post all week. My free time has been limited lately. So whenever I get a few minutes, I'll sit down and type out a sentence or two. Hold on to your seats, boys and girls. I'm working on another post! Can you handle it?

~<><~

!i!i!i!ii!ii!i!ii!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!iHow Great is Our God!i!i!i!i!ii!i!i!i!ii!ii!i!i!ii!i!i!

Mon, 08 May 2006 00:32:03 GMT

Here it goes:

My summer will be very different from all my summers past. This year, I'll be away. I will be a full time counselor at Berea (......!.......) After having such an awesome experience in March, mixed in with tons of prayer lead to an application for a full time counselor. The application led to an interview. And then a call asking me to be one of six girl counselors for the summer! God is so good. The fact that I got in, I know with out a doubt, is because God wants me there. I was told there were many applicants and only a few openings left. You do the math.

I couldn't tell you on Tuesday because I had let both of my employers know first. Yeah, so now you know why you had to wait.

On top of going to Berea, I'll be going to Arizona this month to visit my oldest brother, Ricky, and my sister-in-law, Jessie. YAY! It is going to be great! I can't wait to go.

That is all I have time for right now, but I'll definitely keep you posted. Ha, no pun intended, believe that one?

I love you guys.

clears throat

Fri, 05 May 2006 22:54:06 GMT

Thanks for all your comments on my previous post! On a different note, I must say sorry guys. You'll have to wait one more day. I have to tell someone in person first. Tomorrow. Tomorrow you'll know.

And yes, it is great news. I don't want to sound like a tease. You'll understand shortly.

God is so great!

Love ya, friends!

inhales

Tue, 02 May 2006 23:28:49 GMT

OH ------MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that's about all I can say right now. More soon to follow.

The Real Deal.

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 01:08:32 GMT

Random facts:
On the 25, I was 20 years and 20 days old.
Currently drinking: Red rooibos tea. Yum.
Numbers of candles lit in my room: 5. I just blew out one due to the lack of wax. It was 6 just moments ago.

Things on my wrists: Left-watch. Right- one of those strangely vogue rubber bracelets that says, "world vision" on it. And a hemp bracelet I got at Cornerstone '03. Good times. (I told you these were random facts!)

Yeah, so I told you that a real post was coming. You probably didn't believe me, considering posts for me are monthly doings. If that was your reasoning, you'd normally be correct. But, needless to say, I'm posting. *grins* Too bad I'm a week tardy though.

I might be right or wrong in this next statement, but I figured it was worth a shot. I don't know if any of you are holding back on commenting on what is said on my posts. If you have a question, don't agree with me, or even absolutely adore what I've written please don't hesitate commenting. If you don't feel comfortable making a public statement, e-mail me. My e.mail is right in the left box over yonder. See it? Ok, good. Don't be afraid to use it. =^D

This post will be unique. Or, at least more unique than my other postings. The idea came to me while I was at work. For each new subject I will write lyrics down. There are so many songs going through my head on any given day. I figured this might be a different way of posting.

"The whole earth is filled with Your glory, Lord / Angels and men adore / creation longs for what's in store / (mountains bow and oceans roar) / May You be / honored and glorified / exalted and lifted high / Here at Your feet I lay my life"
-Filled with Your Glory, Starfield

As you've heard me mention, I went to Camp Berea for a weekend to be a youth leader (I was one of four) with the church's middle school kids. God worked gloriously in my life. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I was in God's will. It was amazing to see Him work. It was also refreshing, if that makes sense. The more I see evidence of God's presence in my life, the more I fall in love with Him. I remember talking to the other female leader about how I would love to share my views on dating with the girls, but I felt like they needed to get to know me first. If I had told them then, I felt, the would shut me out. Looking at me as if I had three heads, not just two. But once the got to know me, they might listen. As soon as the other leader left, a girl walked in and asked me if I had a boyfriend. I responded, "no."
"Have you ever had a boyfriend?"
"No."
"But why not? You're so pretty."
"Thanks, but, that's not why I don't date."
And there the conversation blossomed, and I was able to connect with her. I guess God had other plans for my conversation topics. I have been able to establish relationships with all the girls at church, which I'm excited about. Before the weekend started, we'd just say 'hi' now and then. But now we greet with hugs! I'm looking forward to seeing how God works in our lives.

Two girls excepted Jesus as their Savior. That was truly the highlight of my weekend. God continues to show how great He truly is. Needless to say, the weekend was full of challenges. But God directed me through them all. Tested boundaries gained respect (...with some). Running on so little sleep, yet having enough energy to give the kids my all. Kids went from not talking to each other to being friends again by the end of the weekend. But above all, the girls who didn't know Christ, felt how warm, loving and inviting the atmosphere was after the private invite to accept Jesus as their Savior. I pray that they'll remember that feeling in the dark times.

I'm praying about returning to Berea for a week or so this summer. I don't know yet if I'll have the time to go. But I know God will open the doors if He wants me there.

"There's a cry in my heart / for Your glory to fall / for Your presence to fill up my senses/ There's a yearning again / a thirst for discipline/ a hunger for things that are deeper // could You take me beyond? /could You carry me through? / If I opened my heart? / Could I go there with You? /( for I've been here before/ but I know there's still more/ Oh, Lord I need to know You) // For what do I have / if I don't have You, Jesus? / What in this life / could mean anymore?/ You are my Rock /You are my glory /You are the lifter / of my head / the lifter of this head"
-Cry In My Heart, Starfield [gee, I wonder if I got this cd for my birthday...=^) ]

I prayed before my adventure to Berea that I would become an ardent worshiper. Worshiping whole-heartedly, even if that meant standing alone. He faithfully answered. I felt like I genuinely had my heart in the right place for worship, open and vulnerable to His grace and love and conviction. I know this all stems from a prayer I prayed before going to SoulFest last year. I prayed God would capture my heart. I'm proud to say my heart is in a safe place tonight, in His pierced hands. I can see God's pursuit for me in retrospect. The ironic thing is that is when He felt so far away. During those times, I'd repeat Jeremiah 29:11-14, with a focus on verse 13. But during those times, I only had a head knowledge of seeking God, never a heart knowledge. Finally, I got it. Finally my heart got it. I had to surrender. I now am witnessing His glory. Before I continue, it is time to interject another song that I didn't know existed until last month. It perfectly ties in what I'm saying and what I will say.

"Dance with me/ Oh Lover of my soul / to the song of all songs
Romance me/ oh Lover of my soul/ to the song of all songs
Behold You have come / over the hills/ upon the mountains
To me You have run/ my Beloved/ You've captured my heart!
With You I will go / You are my Love / You are my Fair One
Winter is past/ and the spring-time has come"
-Dance with Me, DecembeRadio

Just about four (or so) years ago, God revealed to me through a dream that I wasn't focusing on Him. Hmm, you know what? I think I'll just go dig out my old journal and write down what I wrote. I never thought I'd post something directly from my journal (!) but the details of the dream are fuzzy. I might omit a few things. =^) Ok, after doing a bit of research in my journal, this is what I was coming from. First, you should know, my "journal" is actually composed of letters to God. Second, on July 25, 2003 at 12:55 am (occasionally I write down the time, hehe), I poured out my heart in a letter asking questions about purity, modesty, femininity, beauty, guy-girl friendships, singleness, and a nameless stress at the time. I closed my journal and went to sleep. Woke-up and wrote this down. I actually titled this letter. Here it is:

"The Night I Danced With God

There I was, all alone. In the dark, and in the silence. My mind asked so many questions. My heart uneasy. There would be no rest for my weary soul. That I did all the "tricks" trying to fall asleep, all failed me. My mind was not satisfied-it had to keep moving. With heavy eyelids I found the answers to a few of my difficult wonderings. I scribbled them in my journal then shut the light off to allow the darkness to enter my room again. I closed the weighed-down eyelids and let my thoughts wonder. They wonder right into Your presence. My prayers were answered, there was peace. Nearly asleep, my heart slows it's beat. My soul rests in a comfortable place to sleep. It was then that my dreams took flight. Like an eagle with strong wings of grace my dream came to You and You caught the gift and took control. Before I could comprehend (note:hmm, comprehending a dream while it is happening. I think I was pretty tired when I wrote this, lol), we (God and I) were dancing. Some dances lasted longer than others. Each one had a different tempo and steps. I tried to be independent, then I looked up at You and Your ever-so-gentle smile rebuked my actions. The dance continued. Gliding one dance to the next. (note: I believe they resemble different seasons in my life) In pure joy, I kept my eyes on the Leader. Knowing He would guide me. Knowing and learning from my previous mistake. Knowing if I trusted my Commander, it would all go smoothly. And as smooth as a gentle ripple in a lake, the dance continued." And this is where I'll just pretend that it ends. =)

I go on to write what I felt, "joy, comfort, love, heart-lightening and peace." The amazing thing is that this is what I feel now. Surrendering is so hard at times. Actually, almost all the time. Daily I must seek Him. Daily I must choose to walk with Him. "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me will find it," Matthew 25:16. "If, while we seek to be justified in Christ, it becomes evident that we ourselves are sinners, does that mean that Christ promotes sin? Absolutely not! If I rebuild what I destroyed, I prove that I am a lawbreaker. For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!" Galatians 2:17-21

I am currently reading Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge. I would love to talk to anybody who has read it! I'm only on chapter five, but it is remarkable so far. A little after reading a chapter on being wounded, (chapter four for those who have the book) I prayed, "Lord, I need some encouragement." I grabbed my new, spiffy, orange pocket New Testament, Psalms, and Proverbs that was given to me at Berea, and flipped right to Mark 1:41, "Then Jesus, moved with compassion, streched out His hand and touched him, and said to him, 'I am willing; be cleansed.'" Such beauty. I got the encouragement I needed. Each thing He does in my life helps me to trust Him more.

Well, this post is long enough. I hope you're still with me. But before I close, I just want to let you all know that I got another 'blog to neglect. I've already neglected it because I started it last month and today I finally got my URL and profile picture up. It's www.myspace.com/ardenthope

His,
Maggie

Postage.

Sat, 25 Mar 2006 03:52:31 GMT

This is actually a fake post. Not a real one. You're just imagining it, really. The real one will have to come this weekend. I even wrote an outline for it last Saturday, at work. I know: I'm crazy. I should have posted last weekend.

I really like this song.

I have to go review stuff for Sunday's class.

You can wake up now. Your dream is almost over. The post is an illusion. The song has ended and so must the post.

Love you, friends!

Long time--no see.

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 03:25:15 GMT

Hey friends,

I really was going to try to post before someone reminded me of my absence. All of us knows that didn't happen. I do thank you, the ones that did kindly reminded me. I do need to post more. More as in more than just monthly. I don't know why I don't. It is not like I don't have anything to say, it is just I over think what to post....

I had the best Valentine's day--ever. I'd love to share with you why. I recently was hired at a florist for Valentine's Day. Many good things came out of that week of working. One is that I've always wanted to do this. Second, I was asked to come back for summer and other busy times (yipee!). Third, God really spoke to me while walking to deliver flowers. (Disclaimer: high levels of sentiment are coming. Also this next part was cut and pasted from an e.mail to one of my friends, altered due to the fact of many readers). [Working at the florists was...]Hard, yet really fun too. One of those things of gosh-this-is-hard-but-yet-a-sense-of-accomplishment. I worked 9 1/2 hours on Valentine's Day. You know, one of the greatest things about Valentine's Day for me though, is that I really didn't think about how I didn't have a Mr. Valentine. So many times before, I'd look at the little, silly, over-priced things with a sense of longing to give into the Hallmark conspiracy. Even though I felt like I surrendered singleness to God. In retrospect I really know I hadn't. I would say, "Okay, God, this is in Your hands." Yet after making such a declaration, I'd "sneak a peak" to see if God was working the way I was hoping/planning. Instead of really focusing on God .Thank God that He takes "baby steps" while Christians mature. Yet this year, I was content...in my hearts of hearts. I really was. I didn't think of what I didn't have at all. Quite simply, I have hope. I have a sense of direction. I know I am in the will of our Father, and gosh, it is a good place to be. One really special thing is that all of this was revealed to me in a brief walk to deliver some flowers. God used that one quiet moment, and really spoke to me. I love it when He does that!

In two short weeks, I will jump out of the teenage years. I guess I can't blame all the bad things in my life on the "teenage years." Lol, like I did that anyway. This birthday will be different from all my other 19. This year I'll be away from home, for the majority of the day. I'll be going to camp as a counselor for the middle school aged kids at my church. It sound like it will be a lot of fun. A band, DecembeRadio, will be playing every night, there is a comedian, and paint ball! Heck, yes! If you guys could pray for the leaders and the kids, that would be so great. If you could pray that we'll be good witnesses and that God will reveal Himself to the kids--that would be excellent.

I purchased this CD on iTunes, Carried Me: The Worship Project, by Jeremy Camp. My brother, Ricky and Jessica, my sister-in-law, gave me a gift certificate there for Christmas. I figured it was about time to put it to use. I needed worship. I still do. This season of my life could make me run dry, but I won't let it.

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken."With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
~ 2 Corinthians 4:7-18

So, does anybody recommend some good tuneage that I can buy with that certificate? I prefer Christian music, but am open to just about anything. I was thinking about possibly buying a few songs from Relient K's MmHmm. Can you believe I'm saying that? Well, a few songs of theirs have been stuck in my head. I figured instead of going to their website each time I want to listen to it, I'd buy it.

Love and a sleepy smile,
Magz

Saturday, December 31, 2005

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 21:51:19 GMT

Maybe, just maybe, there will be a day when I don't start a post with something like "well, it has been awhile." Maybe, just maybe, I won't wait a month, a month and a half, to post. That, my friend, would be a glorious day.

The trip to Martha's Vineyard was very spontaneous. In other words, I didn't know I was going until that very day-- about two hours or so before departing. That was what made it extra special. I had a wonderful time. I didn't get to see Anna that much due to the fact she was working. I really think there is somthing seriously wrong with the water there. I mean...it turned my hair red. Well, ok, so the dye helped. I could post pictures if I were at home, but I'm not. You'll just have to wait. Hopefully, it won't be in a month. But I guarentee that you'll have to wait til next year.

Ah, Christmas. I had to work Christmas Eve. The cafe was busy enough to be worth it. The hubbub made for a good distraction that diminshed any odd feelings. It was great to spread Christmas joy by actually saying, "Have a merry Christmas!" Most people were so thankful that I had actually said, "merry Christmas" rather than "happy holidays." Seldom did someone respond correctively with a "bye" or "take care now."

Christmas Day was glorious. We started by going to my church. Though never before had I gone to church on Christmas, I found it was very natrual to start such an important day there. We then went to my grandparents and celebrated there.

Each year, I feel like I gain more preceptive on what Christmas is all about. I thought I couldn't understand it more; but then, I do. As time grows, so does my gratitude for my Savior's sacrafice. It blows my mind. I cannot comprehend His deity. Why did He do this for me? I know what I type today, my words will far short of His glory, respect, and honor. I can't place into words what I feel. Adoration. Revernce. Awe. Wonderment. Stunned. Hopeful. Cherished. Loved. Excited. Contentment. Always searching for more, for that next step or leap. Because I am never satisfied where I am spiritually.

-----
Tonight will very good. I'll go to the familiar VP building and watch a friend perform in a play. Thereafter, we'll journey our way through the woods to the Chesley house for our annual-though-it-didn't-happen-last-year-but-that-is-beside-the-point-and-we-just-won't-mention-it-party. We'll stand in a circle around a flame. Freezing one side, burning the other. Celebrate with fireworks. Laughter. Good talks. Then get about 3 hours of sleep before heading off to church.

i've got to go. I'm at work and had to stay an hour late due to craziness. take care. please forgive any errors due to not having time to check my post. love y'all